The Bestest CL Fanfic EVER!
by neon flights
Summary: ...or not. Never put the responsibilities of writing the best story ever in the hands of idiots. Otherwise, you get something like this.


It is every fanperson's dream to be able to write the best fanfiction story ever.

Many have attempted, even more have failed. Some just don't bother and mooch around.

Well you know what I think?

FOOLS! YOU'RE ALL FOOLS!

You'll never be able to accomplish THAT sort of thing, I mean come on! You need to have the intricate skills of a writer, the heart and compassion of the characters, and-

WAIT! I shouldn't be telling you all of this…this garbage!

Why am I hyperventilating, you ask?

Well, you, my friend, have stumbled across completely meaningless information. You idiot! Why'd you click this story in the first place, huh?

Besides, anyone who tries to write the best fic ever is a complete **MORON!**

**MORON!**

**Moron!**

_Moron!_

_Moron…

* * *

_

_'OK guys, the tower is 30 degrees north! Be careful, there are two krabes heading for you right now!'_

'_No problem Jer, this'll be easy!' Odd replied as he leaped forth towards the creatures and cried:_

'_GO AWAY PLEASE!'_

_This didn't work._

'ARGH! NONONONO! THIS ISN'T WORKING!' A very frustrated girl growled, before murdering the delete key and starting again.

_'Let's be friends!' exclaimed Sissi, before dancing around with Ulrich and friends, until-_

'_STOP THIS LOLLYGAGGING AT ONCE!'_

_It Was Mr Herriman! The all knowing, rule enforcing-_

'NO!'

Delete. Delete. Delete.

_'My love for you is greater than the hundreds of sea urchins in the ocean.' Yumi said in a monotone voice.  
_

_Ulrich stared at her. 'Ok…getting creepy…'_

Delete City.

_Jeremie shook his head and said, '_Everyone_ knows that 2+2 is FISH, Mrs Hurtz._

'_Oh my, you're absolutely right!'_

She had had enough. 'I give up…' she moaned, banging her head on the keyboard.

'Not your day, huh Katfish?'

The girl named Katfish turned around to face the odd-looking girl standing in the doorway with a milkshake.

'Oh, it's you Tekirai. What are you doing here?'

She shrugged. 'Everyone else is sleeping. Only you would stay up until…' Tekirai looked at the clock.

'11:40? Eek, guess my random-happening senses were right for once.'

Katfish groaned and turned back to her computer. 'Whatever. I've got a story to write.'

'OOH! Can I help?' said Tekirai eagerly, bouncing up to the other girl's side.

'What would you know about fanfic writing?'

She grinned and raised her finger. 'I know the top ten restrictions for a writer's block pickaxe story.'

'Pickaxe?'

'A story to clear your writer's block.'

'Oh. Well…I guess you know as much about Code Lyoko as I do…' Katfish started, thinking for a moment.

Then she nodded.

'Sure, you can help me out.'

'YAYY!'

All the objects in the room quivered at the reply.

Rather the milkshake more than anything else.

* * *

_**OK, here we go. What's the main plot?**_

**I…don't have one.**

_**:sweatdrop: You're a member of Fanfiction and you don't have a freakin' plot?**_

**Hey, lay off. I asked you to help, not torment!**

_**Right, right, don't spazz over it.**_

**I'd better give in the usual start, I suppose…**

It was a sunny Monday morning at Kadic Junior high. The birds were singing-

**_Gunshots were heard…_**

Gunshots were heard!

…**chotomatte! TEKIRAI!**

**_Gomen, gomen! Keep going…_**

The birds were singing, and the air was filled with the chatter of students arriving at school.

In their usual spot were Yumi, Ulrich, Odd, Jeremie and Aelita all talking about the day ahead.

**Now what were those top ten restrictions you were talking about?**

_**Allow me.**_

Ulrich was nodding and listening to everything Jeremie said, despite the fact he was saying 'hammer' over and over. Somehow, he still understood.

Then Odd noticed something wrong with Yumi.

'Uhh, Yumi…'

The black-haired girl turned to face him. 'Yes?'

'There's a…uhh' Odd didn't know how to put it.

Yumi was getting impatient after 2 minutes.

'YOU'RE UGLY!' he finally came out with.

Everything froze as Yumi's eye twitched so much it went to ten times its own size.

**Hm? **

Then, out of pure rage, she kicked him all the way to the moon.

'Cool! Hey guys! The moon really is made of cheese!' cried Odd, before realising there was no air on the moon and he fell off in a mad panic. Thus flying off into the Disneyworld galaxy to be never seen again.

**What in the name of God's pyjamas was that?**

_**Numbers 1 and 2 of the restrictions. Someone must be kicked all the way to the moon, and they must say it's made of cheese.**_

**Then what's number 3?**

**_Well…_**

Suddenly, Odd's disappearance made Aelita so sad she exploded.

**…**

Which made Jeremie burst into tears after losing his lost love and ran off into the forest screaming like a schoolgirl.

'I'll go after him…' Ulrich muttered to Yumi before dashing off after him.

It took Yumi ten minutes to notice her two male friends had disappeared, and she too ran off into the forest.

**_Wanna know what the fourth rule is?_**

**Someone shoot me _now._**

_Cluck cluck cluck_

Ulrich groaned, holding the poultry in his hand. 'Come _on_ Jeremie, if chickens won't make you happy, what will?'

Jeremie just sobbed even harder as he cried into his own chicken. 'I LOVE YOU, CHICKEN!'

'Oook…'

Yumi suddenly appeared in a poof of smoke.

'HI GUYS!'

She looked at the animals in the boys' hands. 'Ooh, chickens! MINE!'

Grabbing them, Yumi ran off into the forest.

Ulrich's eyes watered.

'Come back with my chicken!' he sobbed as he ran after her.

_**Numbers 5 and 6; someone must have a chicken and someone must steal it thus making the owner say 'come back with my'-**_

**I GET IT.**

It didn't take long for Yumi to run out of breath, so she stopped and took a break.

Ulrich collapsed behind her soon afterwards.

'Hey Ulrich! Wanna hear a dirty joke?' Yumi screamed.

'No.'

'OK! James Blunt was wrestling with his best friend in the mud! Haha! Get it? Mud? Dirty joke? HAHA-'

**THWACK!**

Ulrich couldn't take any more of it, and whacked Yumi over the head with one of the chickens, since the other one ran off for a vacation in Mexico.

_**Numbers 7 and 8; someone must say a 'dirty joke', and it must end up being incredibly stupid, like so.**_

**You mean 'like you'.**

_**Meanie. Now, next one…uhh…**_

**What?**

_**I can't remember the rest. **_

**Thank God.**

_**That's not nice.**_

'**Not nice'? I'll tell you what's not nice! You haven't helped me at all! You-**

Yumi fell down. Ulrich smiled.

Then he skipped! And skipped! And skipped!

So long that he made all the trees fall down!

Then Ulrich died.

**-just made it worse! …huh? What happened there?**

_**I didn't even do anything this time.**_

**Nani?**

_**I'm positive I-**_

Then Odd came zooming down from a purple monkey dishwasher in the sky!

_**-didn't do anything. LOOK! IT HAPPENED AGAIN!**_

**Oh gawd… Teki, I think we've lost control of the story.**

_**YA THINK?**_

'I CAN'T SPEAK HAM!' he screamed sadly.

'SHUT UP!' Ulrich screamed back, before dying again.

Then Jeremie came along with a pretty new bicycle!

It was pink. And red. And pink. And red. And pink and red and pink and red!

So he biked on it all day.

Until a house exploded and a sink crushed it!

So Jeremie cried.

So much he died.

And Katfish laughed 'cause that rhymed.

**I didn't type that!**

It was a sunny Sixday morning and the birds were flying into things.

One of those things being a tree.

And Ulrich.

It hit his face!

**AND HE DIDN'T DIE!**

But then Odd put a hat on his head and he died then.

'I AM A HAT!' the hat said happily, before bouncing off to Carealot to help Mr Magroo find his pony again.

The loss of the hat made everybody sad!

So Aelita did a funny dance with a cat in her arms and all was well.

OR WAS IT?

Everybody didn't like Aelita 'cause she did a jig.

Jugs were a lot better.

So they made her eat 500139 pounds of delicious APPLES!

Before rushing her off to the hospital.

But she got eaten by a frying pan!

Ulrich suddenly appeared before them.

'PURPLE IS NOW A FRUIT!' he declared happily.

Then Yumi ate Odd's big greasy head.

**That's it, I'm outta here.**

_**I'm not. This is gold!

* * *

**_

Sissi was cooking in the kitchen.

Which was weird, since she didn't have a kitchen.

She was baking cookies!

Heart cookies, foot cookies, ant cookies and chainsaw cookies!

She likes the chainsaws the best.

But Sissi ran off after a toffee butterfly and the cookies exploded in the oven!

There was a funny smell in the air,

Sissi smiled. The funny smell smelled like Ulrich and Odd's dorm.

She liked that smell.

So she ran into the oven and melted!

Nobody cared.

Then the rest of the gang ran into the kitchen.

'I smell chicken!' said Aelita excitedly.

'HICCUP!' Ulrich replied.

So Ulrich and Yumi drew things with toothpaste on the wall.

Odd ate cookies. And he got fat.

So fat that he exploded!

And Jim doesn't know why!

But he got a new blender!

So they all jumped.

Up and down. Up. Down.

Until they realised they were _in_ the blender.

So they all got mushed into a Lyoko smoothie!

Kiwi drank it all and took over the world with freeze pops!

But then a hamster with a laser gun appeared and zapped them all!

Lots of octopi rained over the world and nobody ever went hungry again.

Except for Yumi. She flew around the world on a balloon and stole it all!

'YOU'RE NOT TIED TO A TREE!' she screamed.

Then Kelly Clarkson started to sing 'Happy Birthday', and everyone danced.

**I'm starting to get the feeling this fic is decreasing in quality.**

_**Mmm.**_

**We better stop it before it gets any worse.**

'FKSHFNVOS.' Odd babbled, before he fell out of the orange tree and drowned in Ulrich's Ocean of Smiles.

Ulrich smiled a big happy smile.

'Emeralds are nice...'

**…yeah, stopping.

* * *

**

'Well that was a colossal waste of time!' Katfish cried.

Tekirai bounced around the room. 'Let's do it again! Let's do it again!' she sang.

The authoress's eye bulged in annoyance, before a light bulb appeared above her head.

'Say Teki…how 'bout we _do_ continue it, huh?'

The girl squeaked in delight.

'OH BOY!'

'That's a good Latias! Now, get in the computer.'

'Huh?'

'Get in the computer.'

'Okie dokie!'

So she did. How, we do not know.

'_Ok, what next?' _the cyber Tekirai replied.

Katfish sniggered and grabbed Tekirai's milkshake.

'Sucker…' she muttered as she left the room.

'_Katfish, are you there?'_ Tekirai echoed as she heard a click in the lock on the door, _'Fishfish? Fishnit? TESS! GET BACK HERE!'_

No answer. Obviously.

Tekirai sweatdropped. _'Great, now what?'_

Ulrich jumped down from the top of the screen and grabbed onto Tekirai.

'_Let's be friends!'_

'_GAAAAAAH!'

* * *

_

**MORON…MORON…MORON…MORON…

* * *

**

This is probably the most ridiculous thing I've written yet.

…or _is it?_ xD I had serious writer's block at the time this was written, and a 'tips for a great writer's block story' list like that actually does exist. Somewhere. I really forgot half of it, which is why I had myself rant about nothing before the plot exploded.

Review and flame all the heck you want- all that matters is that it destoryed my writer's block. That and I got enough enthusiasm to write more of my new oneshot. You guys are gonna like it...


End file.
